It has always been you
by SnuggleswithSnape
Summary: Oneshot.. after Nagini's bite, Severus Snape passes on to the afterlife, where he is reunited with his lost love, but does she love him? Why did she marry James, was everything as it seemed, and why does Lily seem so broken? Rated T for mention of rape.


_**Hi,**_

_**So once I got home from seeing Harry Potter on Saturday.. I just had to write this..**_

_**While I am not a Severus Snape and Lily Evans shipper; infact I think that Lily was unworthy of Severus and he was wasting his love on her, but I had to write this..**_

_**And while I usually write dominant characters… No one will be in this story it will be pure romance. ( I don't know how it will turn out.. hopefully not too bad.**_

_**One thing I have to ask is.. What the hell was up with Lily's eyes in the film? They were brown.. I was really shocked, especially after Severus had just said that Harry had Lily's eyes!**_

_**Summary: Snape; war hero, devoted lover to a certain Miss Lily Evans has finally passed on into the afterlife, but what happens when it is not as he expected and he finds himself reunited with a woman he thought he had lost for ever.. will he ever get his second chance?**_

_**I don't own Harry Potter and always please review.**_

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><p>SPOV<p>

I wonder aimlessly around the garden, taking in the ever so familiar stretch of land, everything was the same.. right down to the last detail; the large brown apple tree is still here, towering over the small stream; I have so many fond memories of that tree.

_FLASHBACK_

_"Severus, get down this instant you are only going to hurt yourself" my dear lily calls from below, honestly that witch has no faith in me at all._

_"One minute Lily, you said that you wanted an apple, so I shall get one for you" I reply calmly, anything that Lily wants she will always get from me, or I will help her to get it, no matter what I would die for her if she asked me too._

_"Yes but.. you could have used magic, honestly has all your common sense flown out of the window; I do not wish for you to die over an apple."_

_I have to smirk at this. "Is Lily Evans really suggesting that we break the law by doing magic outside of school? I thought that you were better than that." I say in mock shock and horror. Honestly I seriously doubt that she has ever broken a school rule, never mind the rules that are set by the ministry…. However I find it all a little unfair that pureblood families are able to teach magic at a much younger than us half-bloods or muggleborns, I suppose it is fortunate that I was taken in by Lucius' family… his father treats me as if I were his own; this is not a good thing._

_"Fine" she huffs loudly, causing me to chuckle underneath my breath, as I reach out for the biggest shiniest apple possible, plucking it from the branch._

_Without a second thought, I jump down, my feet landing firmly on the floor, I bend slightly at the waist as if bowing to her, "milady" I say as I offer the fruit in the palm of my hand, and it was worth the embarrassment, just to see her big eyes light up, a tender smile crossing her angelic face; I do not think that anyone has ever looked more perfect than she does right now._

_"Why thank you my dear gentleman" she says playing along, and then I feel her soft lips on my own, momentarily shocking the hell out of me; we were kissing, better yet she was kissing me"_

_END FLASHBACK_

Of course we had our bad times under the tree, but we always seemed to make up no matter what the situation, until that fateful night that I did the lowest thing possible; I hurt my Lily by insulting her heritage and in doing so I sent her right into the conniving arms of fucking Potter.

Suddenly I remember the predicament that Harry must be in, at first I had hated him when he arrived at the school, I thought him an arrogant sod just like his father, but over the past couple of years, I have seen kindness and compassion in him that rivalled that of Lily's and now I just feel for him.. he is the wizarding's world only hope, but I am sure he will succeed if he is as smart as I think that he is, if he realises that he is the true master of the elder wand!

"Severus" A voice calls in the distance; an unmistakable voice, as sweet as honey and as soft as a warm summer nights breeze, my Lily.

I turn frantically searching for the source of this noise, could this be the afterlife? Have I gone to Heaven after all, I thought for sure I was going to hell; the things that I did in my life, the role that I had to play, but if Lily is actually here and my mind is not playing tricks on me, I know that this cannot be so.

"Severus" the voice repeats, as a small figure exits from the light, I squint slightly trying to get a better view and when I do, my dead heart skips a beat as I see her in all her glory, a sense of love and protectiveness washes over me as I watch her taking tentive steps closer, almost as if she was scared of me.. and I do suppose that she has every right to be.

"Do not be scared of me Lily" I whisper softly as she comes closer to me, I feel the need to make it all better for her, to reach out and comfort her.

Her beautiful eyes widen as she looks up at me "You think that I am scared of you?"

I blink wildly "Why shouldn't you be, after what I did to you, how I treated your son over the years" I say, guilt overtaking me while she just looks at me like I have lost my mind. "I have failed you."

"No my dear Severus you have not failed" she says softly as her hand reaches up and for a moment my breath momentarily hitches in the back of my throat, before it comes to rest on my cheek, the tender palm of her flesh caressing my rough skin. I wait to hear what she is going to say next, how she is going to justify my actions and her words. "I have watched both you and Harry over the years, without you him and his friends would surely not survive. You have looked out for him, and been there for him over the years; he never told you, but you were a father figure to him." She says.

And then everything crashes back down, she was not my Lily, she had James and although her words touched me I should not allow myself to hope. I pull back from her touch. "Severus Tobias Snape don't you dare shut yourself off from me, I know you too well" She snaps at me, her voice turning sterner as I glare down at her.

"Lily….."

"No for once you shall listen to me, I know that I betrayed you big time when I married James Potter, but I never loved him… it has always been you" she says, her soft words struck me hard, and despite myself, I find myself beginning to believe.

"Then why…" she does not allow me to finish though, the impatient witch leans up, her delicate pink lips pressing against my own, kissing me softly, and despite my reservations; I kiss her back harder, deepening the kiss as my arms snake around her waist, pulling her small frame towards me, all the sadness and loss that I have carried with me for all these years disappears as I hold this woman in my arms. I feel her tongue pressing against my lips, asking for permission to enter my mouth.. but not yet.

Pulling back slowly, watching as her chest rises up and down as she pants for breath, her eyes still closed. "Then why did you marry him?" I ask her, if it was true and she always loved me then why would she marry him.

She stiffens, all of a sudden she goes cold turning away from me, I know that something is wrong.. something bad happened to her. "You will not love me if I tell you" she whispers, her voice sounding so broken.

Is the witch mad, I will love her despite anything that she may have done or will do. "Lily do not be stupid.. what is wrong?" I question as I move to stand behind her, my hands reach out to rest on her shoulders offering my comfort.

"He raped me Severus.. he stole my innocence" she says and I immediately feel my blood beginning to boil, he stole her virginity. All these years I had been comforted by the fact that she was at the very least happy and in love and now that was ripped away from me.. I should have seen it, I should have helped her.

Sighing tightly, I pinch the bridge of my noise in between my fingers as I try to calm myself down, to be strong for her. "Oh Lily" I whisper as I pull her back against my chest, burying my head in her hair, kissing it gently. "But why did you marry him..?" I ask still not understanding.

"I don't think that I can.. I still cannot speak of it.. but I would like you to look" she says and realising the delicacy of the situation, I do not wait for any further permission, before diving into her mind, pushing back the boundaries.

I watch as memories flicker by of me and her laughing and playing out in the woods, of me and her talking, of our first kiss.. first day of Hogwarts, before I finally settle on a conversation between her and James.

_MEMORY *Lily's point of view*_

_I lay there shattered on the floor, blood pouring from between my legs, as I look up at my tormentor, the boy that I had stood up and defended in front of Severus and cannot help but feel betrayed by him._

_Tears pour from my eyes as I look up at him. "Here's how it is going to work mudblood, you are going to cut all ties from your friends.. including your precious snivellus, you are then going to marry me and we will raise a family. Do you understand me" he seethes._

_Immediately I begin to shake my head at his words, I could not and will not comply with that. "No, I do not love you James just accept that and I promise that I will not tell anyone about what happened here." I watch as the anger grows inside of him, before he outright laughs at me._

_"Do you think he will want you now, you have nothing to offer him; nothing but a lowly mudblood whore, he would be disgusted by you right now.. you are nothing to him!" James says to me and I sniffle loudly, he was right, I was dirty and disgusting, he would never want me anymore.. I was worthless._

_"Fine I will marry you"_

_*END MEMORY*_

"Oh Lily, my Lily" I whisper as I take her shaking and crying form, turning her around to face me, her face still cast towards the ground "I would always have loved you, never worry about that, what Potter did was wrong and it is no way your fault.. do you understand me?" I ask sternly, using my most authoritive voice. "I am still stood here loving you.. does that not prove my honesty to you?" I question as her eyes snap up to meet my own.

"Really?" she asks hopefully.

"It has always been you" I say gently as I lean down to reclaim her lips with my own; Lily would need a lot of healing and I am going to do anything possible to help her along the way. I will do anything that is possible to mend her and too make sure that nothing like that will happen again. I have lost her once and will not let it happen again.

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><p><strong>What did you think? Don't be too harsh on me<strong>


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